Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You dont lie about slip and slides
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
