Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
