kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
