my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
