I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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