I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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