I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
