John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
