we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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