Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
