You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
