before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
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I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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