mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
