dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
