our cab driver is having phone sex.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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