speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
false alarm, still single
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad