the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
