I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
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