Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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