so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
