I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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