Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
