We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
