I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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