Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
