How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
