i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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