i used baking grease as lip gloss
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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