I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
