you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
