So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
