My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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