Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
