Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize