Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
