Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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