I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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