Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
