Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Randomize
