I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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