no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
