i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
