Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
