I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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