i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
