and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
