alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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