No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
