My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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