I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize