Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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