I met the friendliest cop last night
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
