The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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