i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
