you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
