I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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