i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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