remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We need a shit load of segways right now
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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