Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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