Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
