i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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