capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
