she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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