The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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