he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
