Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
